I knew it!!!! I actually have nothing really to say about this, it just made me laugh. Look at his cute little face! "It's the face of learning. Bask in its educational glow."

The squirrel army is gathering strength and reinforcements... The sparrows have joined up. The 3rd and 4th Sparrow Battalion are regrouping even as I type this. Warn the children... There isn't much time.
[Ed. note: Not, repeat, not crazy. Just had about 4 sparrows either not moving out of the way of the vehicle, or flying RIGHT in front of the freakin' mobile. There's easier ways to get grilled, little feathery friends. Go talk to Colonel Saunders. Now there was a snappy dresser.]

Did you know there are approximately 161 000 sites listed when one does a search for "clinically depressed squirrels", and not a single one of them is any help?
Did you know that when you do a search for "depressed squirrels", there are over 500 000 sites? Several of these sites feature the same problem I am experiencing... I think there is a conspiracy here. There is obviously some sinister plan being executed on behalf of an evil squirrel overlord, called something truly nefarious, like Sir Nutkin Cute Cheeks. I don't know about you, but that strikes fear in my heart. They are trying to take out our means of transportation. Soon it will be the water supply. And then our supply of sour gummy worms! OH GOD! Must destroy squirrels!!!
[Disclaimer: the author spent the evening devouring approximately 38 pounds of sour gummy worms, Poprox, and cola. Please disregard everything she says.]

Ahoy there, Admiral Happy Pants!
Pax reporting on this late-breaking news story... "Good evening, and welcome to WGAF news. This is Pax reporting on a potentially earth-shattering, pant-splittingly exciting news story. It is bigger than The DaVinci Code. It is better than Tom Cruise's Sofagate. It can safely be described as eclipsing the disturbing actions of this reporter's neighbourhood squirrels. I am speaking, ladies and gentlemen, of the rarest of events in these parts as of late. Admiral Grumpy Pants had shed his cocoon of surliness and blossomed into a beautiful butterfly of civility and, dare I say? happiness. Stay tuned for further updates. And now a word from our sponsor..." Admiral Happy Pants, you know I love to see that smile. Keep it up, soldier. In order to recover from that intimate (and probably disturbing) segment, I would now like to discuss squirrels. The grandeur of spring is exploding in all its showy-offiness in my neighbourhood. Apparently, the breath-taking beauty of cherry blossom trees is too much for the fragile psyche of the wee squirrels in the surrounding area. I say this because every single freakin' time for the last two weeks that I have driven anywhere, a squirrel will inevitably wait at the side of the road and try to hurl itself under the wheels of an oncoming vehicle (mine, usually). Through the grace of God, and the fact that my mum had me take about a million defensive driving courses, I have not yet hit any of the furry buggers, but I think it's only a matter of time. I need suggestions. And finding a better carwash is not one of them, people. I was thinking about leaving acorns laced with Paxil around, but apparently that may increase the risk of suicidal behaviours in some adolescent squirrels. I have neither the time nor the financial stability to spend my time squeegeeing angst-ridden rodents off my vehicle. Please help me.

The Weekend Approacheth!!!
No, I don't have a lisp. Forsooth and verily, it be the King's own English. I thinketh. Now I'm not so sureth.
My prediction for soul crushiness was not completely accurate... Captain Nut Huggers (as I will now refer to one of my co-drudges) believes he has finally figured out what was causing his experiment to... um... not work. As with all great minds, it seems to have been a fairly innocuous error, but one that pretty much guaranteed a lot of screaming, bargaining with various entities, and weeping quietly in a corner for the last couple of weeks. So here's to Captain Nut Huggers. I'm proud of you, me boy.
On another topic, spring has arrived here in Western Canada. Fantastic! We are experiencing significantly above average temperatures for this time of year. I don't like to brag (lies... all lies... I love it.), but I am going to have to take credit for this upward trend. You see, last week, I bought soup. Those who know me will not be surprised. I am "culinarily challenged"... It's not that I can't cook, it's just that a jar of peanut butter and a spoon provides a less stressful alternative. Open jar, insert spoon. Voila... Dinner. My point... Oh yeah. The logic is as follows: If a) I buy soup, then: b) the weather will become warmer. Because who really wants to eat soup when it's this hot? That's about all for now. Maybe next time I will talk about the sad, sad little squirrels that grace my neighbourhood. Take care, everyone!

I'm just going to launch right into it... If anyone actually reads this, they will get to know me pretty well... (A little too well... "Put your pants back on, please." "But it says 'Casual Friday' on the memo!").
Ahh... I loves me job. So I'm at work today, and one thing leads to another, and for whatever reason (I was praying at the time, and feeding homeless kittens and orphans, by the way), I end up being fireman lifted onto a co-worker's shoulder. Not a problem, ordinarily, but this was a "girlie day", by which I mean I was wearing a skirt. Fortunately, it was not a "girlie commando day". My mom taught me well. Anyway, this is all just a build up to the actual hilarity that ensued... This observation of non-commandoness led to a discussion of boxers vs. boxer briefs vs. tighty-whities. A different co-worker of mine has plans to manufacture and distribute a particular line of tighty-whities... Under the manufacturing label "Captain Nut Huggers". I laughed until H2SO4 came out my nose ("OH GOD... IT BURNS!!!!"). Other science geeks will get this one... You know, the rhyme about little Johnny? Anybody? (sound of crickets fleeing to less geeky pastures). So that was pretty much the high point of my work today. Forecasts for tomorrow predict crazy with a slight chance of soul-crushing despair. Not for me, though, so s'all good.