It's official.

I have a girl crush on Sandra Bullock. She's just so damn cute! And nice, you know? She always seems to have these "girl next door" type characters that I find completely irresistible. I wonder if I'm her type? I don't really know anything about muscle cars, like Jesse James, but I like to think I have other attributes that would make up for that. Maybe I should call her. Hmm. Gotta plan this out. Gotta be... smooth.

Bonjouuurrrrrr.... Yeh cheese eatin' surrender monkeys!

There is absolutely no purpose to the above title, other than its comedic value. Not much to report. I have no exciting or distressing medical news, and work's been... well, let's just say I've been sending out a lot of resumes lately. I had my first pole-dancing lesson last night... Apparently I'm a natural (Mom, stop crying). I do have a lot of sympathy/admiration for exotic dancers, because man, am I bruised! (Mom, I mean it. Stop crying.) The weather here has been quite crappy lately... I keep torturing myself by going to the weather network site and looking up Calgary's forecast... Then stroking the screen lovingly while screaming at Ben, "HA! It does suck here!" ( Mom, for god's sake. This does not mean I wasted 7 years at university. It's just something fun to do.) In other news, um... There ain't much there. I'll keep you posted, yes? (Mom, you can have my car. The keys are right here.)

The horror.... the horror....

So I had my official "violation of orifices with barium" day yesterday. Dude. I'm seriously hoping they find something non-colon related, because I never ever ever want to have that test again. The clinic people were great. Very professional. No jokes. Actually, the funniest comment that was made was by an older gentleman leaving the x-ray room. He looked at me, glared at the nurse, and said conspiratorally, "Don't let her sweet-talk you.", before exiting the premises. Gotta say, once I walked in there and saw the apparatus, I was about ready to bolt too. It was one of those situations that you just know has to be as awkward as possible. I'm pretty sure I'm incapable of being embarrassed now, because there's nothing like having a tube fulla barium shoved in your... um... you know whilst there are several people walking in and out of the room, taking x-rays and asking you to continually rotate. Oh, and the icing on the cake is that the radiologist was freakin' gorgeous. "Of course you are," I thought to myself as I gazed into his soulful, brown eyes.
And then... well... fortunately for you, I've already blocked out the actual procedure. And then afterwards I had chicken pitas and fries and it was awesome. More later. The dog has to go out.

I feel like chicken tonight... Or any type of solid food!

I am currently on one of those clear fluid diets for the next two days, after which I get to be violated with something that spews barium out of it. I'm envisioning it like one of those paint guns you see spraying the sides of industrial buildings.
Suffice to say, I'm hoongry-like! Right now I'm craving KFC, which is really stupid, because if I could eat solid food, I wouldn't touch KFC with a ten-foot pole. Too... um... greasy? Too many sewer dwelling critters can be fried up to look like it? I don't know. Take your pick.
On the plus side, I am taking Thursday and Friday off of work. The people are lovely, but seriously, this is not the job I moved for. I'm so pissed off at management right now, not for lying to me per se, but for doing it so consistently and with such flair. Pretty much every aspect of the job has been a lie. So I'm looking for other work. Or going back to school. Ahh, academics, my old standby. You'd never lie to me, would you, genetics textbook? I... I love you too, book.
Oh crap, it's happened. I'm giddy from lack of food. And it's not cool, naughty books with highly improbable sex scenes that are talking to me, it's my textbooks. Figures.
Well, I'm going to go eat broth and juice (Yummers!) and watch Vin Diesel beat things up. Hugs to all, and J and O, for the sweet love of Odin and all his monkeys (Hey. I may not know much, but I knows my mythology.) stop with the hating. I will see you this weekend.