HOMEWARD BOUND! BOO YAH!

I know, I know... It's been two weeks. I can't understand the sheer joy of returning to one's home turf until one has been gone for longer. But I would put it to you that if one's two weeks involved the following:
- fire alarm
- actual fire
- getting harassed DAILY by punks/ jackasses/ losers along Jasper who:
i) swear at you
ii) follow you for blocks asking for money over and over and then, (see above)
iii) talk about who's getting stabbed tonight (seriously!)
iv) pretend to shoot people in the head while shouting something incoherent apparently involving the fact that somebody laughed at them once about something some time in the last 5 years
- finding out that the full time position that you were assured of and moved for is still "in the process of being approved by HR until they can iron out a few kinks. Then we'll create it. I swear."
- get assigned random shifts varying between 12-8, followed by 8-4, then maybe another 8-4 and how about we do it again next week!

... then perhaps a bit of leeway could be given involving the whole joy in going home thing. I swear, the crack house next door seems really tame and so... so... Disney now. I feel like baking them cookies or something.
Grrmmm... Crabby. I think I'm gonna go eat chocolate and watch Constantine. Or maybe Chronicles of Riddick. I need to see something good-lookin' kick the respective asses of something bad. Or maybe I'll go play Civilizations III (thanks, Kovbasa! :D) and see how fast I can kill my city. Last time it took me 10 minutes to destroy civilization. So proud... sniff...
Plus, I think I underestimated how much I would miss my family and friends. I mean, I knew I would miss them, but damn! This is brutal. I feel like I should cut up pictures of them and glue them to my arms as the new transdermal patch.
Okay, I'm done whinging for now. Hope you all have a really good weekend. I know I will, 'cause... I'M GOING HOME! WHOOOOOOOT!

Welcome to Edmonton, the New Jersey of Alberta. Sorry about the fires.

This morning concluded my first full week in the arctic tundra of Edmonton. (Kidding, it's either no' so bad, or I'm getting used to it). So, thoughts on it? I really don't like fire alarms. Or fires. I vaguely remember O. and J. talking about fires/fire alarms in their apartments, and I can only guess it must be some sort of wierd "Welcome to Edmonton" thing that newcomers are not privy to. Early last Sunday, about 2:30 am, some drunk jackass thought it would be a good idea to pull the alarm. (Funny aside. I actually slept through the alarm. Bne had to shake me awake. Ironically, all he would have had to do was snore once in my ear to shoot me bolt upright, shaking with righteous anger and sleep deprivation.) So there we are, me, Bne, my Mum and her little dog. We had the worst response time in the world. I'd like to claim partial credit, but really, a lot of it had to do with Mum needing to coordinate her coat and boots, and getting Butter Chubs Jr. all wrapped up in her blankey before we could escape the flames. Yeeaaaaahh.......
So it turns out to be a false alarm. And I go back to bed, swearing about Bne's apartment, although, bless his heart, it wasn't his fault. I just needed to blame something, and his apartment building was right there, minding its own business. Fast forward to Friday night. I have successfully completed my first week at work. More about that later. We go out for dinner at Bne's swankity restaurant, the "Buttery Meat House" (motto: "Yup, it's a heart attack.") and go over to a friend's house to watch Bon Cop, Bad Cop (awesome!). We return about 2 am, and notice there are numerous fire trucks on our block. I jokingly said, "If that's our building, I'm going back to Calgary." Famous last words. There was a fire on the floor below our apartment. Fortunately for us, the smoke damage was limited to that floor, as should it should be for one who doesn't check to see if their cigarette is out before chucking it in the trash. Xtreme Stupid. So that's been my Edmonton experience so far. I'll talk about my job later, when I get a better bead on it.
And lastly, a private missive to Kovbasa. Be good, be safe, and take care of yourself. Be good to yourself, because not many people deserve it as much as you do. You are very important to the world. Remember what Markus Aurelius said, "The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it." Make yours wonderful.

Yet another sign of the impending Armageddon: They have begus serving, get this, sushi, in the hospital cafeteria. Because the regular food poisoning wasn't bad enough. I swear to the god of bunnies, if they want to fix the bed shortage we're experiencing in Calgary, they should close down the cafeteria. That would eliminate half of the GI emergencies right there, in my opinion. Of course, for legal reasons, I will say that I can't prove any of this, and that this is only my own personal bias and is purely mentioned for comedic value. But seriously, sushi? Kee-rist!
Um, also, just in case some people get all zealoty on me for the previous blog (Bne...take a joke) I actually like Edmonton very very much, and for the record, when I went to New Jersey, it smelled a hell of a lot less than New York. Of course, there was a garbage strike on at the time, but still. I think the motto would lose a bit of its je ne sais quoi if it read: Welcome to Edmonton, sorry about the smell, but hey, it could be worse, you could be in New York during a garbage strike.
Work is kinda funny right now. I'm on my last two weeks, and (surprise!) there is a grant due at the end of it, so I've got a tonne of stuff to do (metric tonne) and so far, I've been given 3 more projects in addition to the three I should already be dedicating all my time to. So, in the spirit of the two weeks' notice clause, I spent a large chunk of my day perched on top of the filing cabinet eating leftover Christmas chocolate. Ahh, fulfilling.

First of all, it's been a long, loooong time since I blogged. So long, in fact, that my beautiful, talented, intelligent mother (whom I take after in every way) pointed out that I haven't updated. Which means it's been a long time. Period.
Lots and lots of changes. Okay, maybe not lots, but dang it! there are some changes that are pretty darn big.
First of all, New Year's Resolutions. Less swearing. Not stopping outright, because let's face it... Driving in Calgary or Edmonton/New Jersey (City motto: Welcome to Edmonton, the New Jersey of Alberta. Sorry about the smell. :D ) lends itself particularly well to swearing. Just, um, less of it would probably be good. And no more asking the aforementioned beautiful talented mother of mine to flip off the guy in the SUV who just cut me off. Unless I think he particularly deserves it.
Other resolutions are to go to bed earlier. This whole getting to bed at 4 thing is kinda crappy, particularly in light of my awesome soon-to-be mentioned changes.

Ahem.
I am moving to "the New Jersey of Alberta". I was offered and have accepted a sweet job there. I will be making phat stacks, mad stacks of cheddar. Boo yah. That is all for now, as I am going to lunch. Back soon.