And then, she decided to bake....

I really don't know what came over me. Watching too many classic 1950s horror movies, perhaps. With the women, in their cute aprons and overly did hair... And their knives...

Regardless of the reasons, I decided that 11:00 pm was a great time to "whip up a batch of muffins". Something "healthy". Something "delicious". Something that would get rid of all the leftover crap that's about to go bad anyway.
Didn't have any white flour. "Not a problem!" The self-proclaimed master baker chirps optimistically. "'Cause we got brown flour." "Who says we can't do this? Nobody, that's who!" I added equal amounts of brown flour. (MASTER BAKER TIP #1: NEVER EVER EVER ADD EQUAL AMOUNTS OF BROWN FLOUR TO SUBSTITUTE FOR WHITE FLOUR).
"Wow... heh heh... That's looking... a little dry... Oh well, I'll just add more orange juice."
(We're out of orange juice) "Hey, look at that! We're out of orange juice! But we have a lemon and some Orangina... I wonder...." (MASTER BAKER TIP #2: NEVER EVER EVER FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SUBSTITUTE AN OLD LEMON AND FLAT ORANGINA WHEN THE RECIPE CALLS FOR ORANGE JUICE).
"Frozen cranberries? Well, I don't have those. Darn. Oh, but I do have... Frozen blueberries from 2006! They're frozen though, so I'm sure they'll be okay." (At this point the back of my brain, the lucid part that often watches the dominant part in horror and disbelief, is screaming about the various power outages we've experienced since that time. I ignore this. For science. And baked goods.) (MASTER BAKER TIP #3: IF IT EXPIRED MORE THAN 2 YEARS AGO, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TOSS IT OUT. SERIOUSLY.)
Anyway, you get the idea. The situation kept escalating until baking these friggin' muffins was like Iraq and I was like Dubya going, "What the hell happened? Better pin this on somebody..."
I mean, it's after midnight now, the frigging loaf (because it turns out we don't have a muffin tin) has been in the oven for half an hour, and it's not frigging cooking! I've got flour EVERYWHERE (Like, everywhere. Serious.), I've got dried egg goo on my face, the kitchen floor is totally slippery from all the frigging oil that's all over it... There's not any oil in the recipe!!! What the hell did I even have it out for? And for what? For what?
So I wouldn't have to buy a muffin from the hospital cafeteria for breakfast.
Sniff.
So it was worth it. Oh hell, is that smoke?
I gots to go.

Hay Mucho Frio!!!!

No me gusta! Detesto! Vamos a Mexico! Andele!
It's bloody cold here (Calgary) right now. How cold is it? I am not lying with the following information. It's so cold I was walking to the bus stop this morning and there was a magpie. With its eyes frozen. Seriously. It was all "drunk" hoppy and its eyes were all white around the edges with ice. I felt so bad for the poor little bugger... What do you do, though? It kind of... flew-ish away... Lopsidedly.
I'm decided to be positive, and think that it has a little magpie wife who has the number of magpie rehabilitation... With, like, seeing-eye sparrows or something.
I hope it warms up soon.

Not much to say... But I like shiny new postings.

This is my favorite classical piece at the moment... I have the sheet music and am learning it (slowly) on my sheety (ha!) keyboard....

Check this out...

This is amazing... There aren't really words to convey it.

The resolution will be televised...

My god, sometimes I'm so clever I can barely stand it!
Another brand new start to a brand spanking new year (200...8. Yeah.) One of my resolutions is to be more positive and happy and stuff. That's right, ladies and gentlefolk, it's going to be nothing but unicorn giggles and rainbow poop from now on! Leastways I think that's the expression...
Let the good times commence!....owl hoots... crickets... a lone siren in the distance (No. Really. I DO live right by a hospital, people)...more owl hoots.... Any minute now...
On a completely mostly unrelated note, I have noticed that prolonged lodging near a hospital and a busy road, with its associated helicopters, loud cars, sirens, screaming people (thank you, Stampede idiots, for continually propogating the stereotype), has rendered me deaf and blind to some pretty important "warning signals". Like, when there's an ambulance behind me, I sometimes don't really notice (...or I pretend not to. "Oh well, I guess you should have thought twice about eating that Big Mac, Mr. I'm Having a Coronary Get Out of My Way, huh? God. Some people.") Even the flashing lights don't really spark a message in my brain... But I guess that's the price you pay for strobe lights 24-7 in your boudoir (kidding... Mom...)
On another almost completely unrelated note, there is this scene in "Gray's Anatomy" from last season(?) where a guy hooked up to an oxygen tank decides that it's the perfect time to indulge, relax, and light up a cigarette. Hilarity ensues. I mean massive trauma and explosions. Not hilarity.
Guess what I saw an old guy in the front of the hospital ALMOST do today? Twice! Guess? According to my friend, my expression was "priceless". And to think I was getting out of my chair to pull a, "No! Mr. President!" and pull her out of the way of flying glass and exploded Smoker with Emphysema and COPD Chunks (TM)! And then, 15 minutes later? He was out there again! It was like an addiction or something.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

DISCLAIMER: Anybody who's into fuzzy kittens and rainbows and other shit like that may want to scroll down to the bottom of this post, because there be some serious rantings goin' on. Yar.

The bad and the ugly...

Okay, so late 2007 was a partial annus horribilus, as the Queen might say. Especially December. December was like an entire month of God, or Buddha, or Ganesh, or whatever form the supreme almighty power is currently taking, taking shot after shot at my metaphorical garbage.

So I get the flu/GI disease of lepers that is going around the hospital.
Fine. I can deal with that.

So I've lost so much weight so my stupid clothes aren't fitting all nice like they did before I heaved my cookies for almost a week.
Fine. I can deal. Christmas is the time of cookies.

So work is suddenly, finally busy. TOO BUSY. Wow. It's like, "Hi, work?" "Yes, Erin?" "I know I said I was a little bored, but this? This is inhuman. Can you do something about this?" "I can't do that, Erin." But still. I endure, because I am grown-uppy and stuff. So I have a very important presentation to give on the week I am still sick, and therefore have to I drag my vomity ass into work even though I can barely keep water down, and Rolaids are my entire source of sustenance.
FINE! I'm dealing, 2007, you bitchy cow! I hope you trip over your giant intergalactic space cat in the middle of the night and bonk your stupid head, 2007!

But when you have somebody, a goddamned useless pathetic excuse for a paternal somebody, call me up AT WORK, one hour (ONE HOUR) before I give that presentation, to tell me, "Thundercat is expecting..." Me: "What? Her Botoxed features to show some semblance of emotion? Her overly arched eyebrows to grow back? That you'll lose thirty pounds and twenty years? What is she expecting... Oh. Oh. My. God."
2007, I... I hate you. I hate you soooooo much.

So after this, I stopped sleeping for a while. Then, I broke the front of my car, and on Boxing day, two family members walked out forever. Er, two family members we liked. Not the other two. That would have been awesome.
So 2007? Bite me.

Conclusions: I'm moving to Vancouver. And changing my last name. And possibly my vocation. And definitely my phone number (for some people. They know who they are, the Botoxed, fat-headed, stupid, insipid bastards).

AND NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING...
I'm doing better now. So now that that is out of my system, I am endeavoring never to speak of the badness that was (December) 2007 again. Unless it's in an Oscars acceptance speech. And onto the good things, the things that made 2007 worth it!

The good...
- Friends and family. Er... selected family.
- I met and got better acquainted with some wonderfully fantastic people. Whom I love and adore.
- I reconnected with some individuals that I thought were lost to me.
- I have an interesting job that is a good base for a future career.
- I baked a cake that didn't catch on fire. It was carrot! And delicious!
- I got to see the hotness that is Rob in his Newsies outfit. And also the black leather one. And also the white wifebeater. And .... Okay, he's just really really ridiculously good-looking.
- I learned never to trust a verbal contract.
- I learned to sculpt. Better.
- Pirates of the Caribbean 3. Vancouver is a port city, after all. I'll find me a pirate. Or barter passage and live by my wits on the high seas! Arrrr!
- My mum and my brother are about as fantastic as you can ever hope to have. And her dog is pretty darn cool too.
- My newest tattoo.
- Charlie Cox in Stardust. Wow... Just... wow. I'm smiling just thinking about him.
- Too many other things to mention.

To my friends and family, thank you for making my life so much richer. 2008 is going to be amazing. All my love to all of you (and appreciative whistles to Rob, the pirate king).