I have a job interview in 1/2 an hour... I'm totally unprepared. So I've been chugging coke, and I just ate one of the more disgusting hospital cafeteria "specials" (spinach and cheese cannelloni... Yeah right. Placenta and brain matter is more like it.) In retrospect, this may have not been the best move, because between the distinct queasiness, and the occasional loud belch, I don't think I'm putting forward my "best image". Unless my best image is going to involve me vomiting profusely all over my prospective employer's desk. I can see it now...
Me: "...and then in the fall, I worked on some gene quantification experiments for...urp... blearrghh.... BLARRGYHGHGHTYYGH...... pllbbbttt.... sppoot..."
Prospective employer: "OH GOD! OH!!! OH GOD!!! Is that... Placenta?"
Me: "....blurgle... Spinach... [sound of me slumping to the floor]"
Prospective employer: "...Okayyyyy...... Well, we have your contact information... and.... um... just leave, okay? Please."
Me: "Glumph. Thank you for ... urgh... meeting with me today."
Prospective employer: "Just go."
God, I hate job interviews. Well, off I go. Wish me luck.
posted by Siochain @ 10:18 AM
10 Comments
10 Comments:
My phenomenal psychic powers assure me that everything went much better than that.
Oh, man... You are so wrong. I didn't vomit. I babbled. So like, verbal vomit. For 15 minutes. I think I even talked about my cat. What the hell was I thinking!?!
Nonsense, my phenomenal psychic powers are never wrong. Otherwise what's the point of having them?
Oh, I completely forgot to mention that I heartily sympathize with the "forced to work at weird hours" thing. And to inquire what you thought of Theory of a Deadpan. Man. Whatever.
My last job interview, I thought I was going to die, my heart was beating so hard. It sucked. I didn't get the job, and to add insult to injury, the next week, the job was re-posted with slightly different requirements that specifically excluded me.
Ouch!
So... when do you hear something?
This week, I hope. Because really, how long will it take to type, "We've found a syphilitic monkey which better fits the job profile. But we'll keep your resume on file. (snicker)"
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