Current Status: I.M. Awesome

First of all, a big shout out to all my homies... You know who you is, you fabulous peeps who showered me with good wishes, and cards, and filthy, profane, vulgar and epithet-laced phone messages (Not mentioning any names, SNOOOOZIEE!!! And my Aunt. One right after the other. I haven't laughed so hard since the Big Train "Working Class" sketch). You are all wonderful, and made me feel very special, and warm, and fuzzy, like a kitten fresh out of the dryer.
So, exciting things that have happened. I am now a whole year older. The plumbing in the apartment has finally been fixed (BOOO YAAAAH!!!!! Only 5 months, baby! YEAH!). I was considering checking a date site for a plumber in a casual dating kind of mood.
Casual date plumber (CDP): "Well, it's been nice but I should get home now."
Me: (slowly leaning over, casually taking handcuffs out of my back pocket): "Don't you want to come up?"
CDP: (starting to look slightly panicked) "Nooo.... no. I uh... I'm good, thanks. I think I should, er... just go."
Me: "Oh dear." (looking disappointed, pouting a bit in an attempt to lure said CDP closer) "Well... It was a nice evening." (Holds out hand for hand shake)
CDP leans in for the handshake, and I spring into action. The handcuffs are on, the bear spray comes out, and he is incapacitated. By a girl. Hee hee. He shall not be freed until every source of water in the apartment is repaired.
I guess it's fortunate that this did not have to happen, considering the tough time that Boy George is having with the whole "false imprisonment". Ahem.